Taurus
20 April - 20 May
Whilst occasionally malodorous, Taureans are reknowned for their good sense of humor and their ability to laugh at the strangest things, even funny horoscopes. Of particular use in a Taureans faculties, is his/her ability to pick winning lottery numbers. Regarding this, science tells us that Taureans are at least as likely as other lucky people to win often and plentifully. Taurus generally likes to think they have "lucky numbers" and they are usually between 1 and 20.
Most restaurants are owned by Taureans and some of these are very successful. Other popular occupations for Taureans include: teachers, doctors, waste-disposal-experts, climbers, builders, plumbers, computer programmers, funeral directors and Ronald McDonald impersonators.
Elves are all born Taureans due to the Elf mating season being only a few days long towards the end of July. This interesting fact means that the average height of the Taurus male is around 4ft 3in, whilst the female average is approximately 3ft 9in.
With a good sense of humor that works as an enabler against their height deficiency, Taureans are said to be excellent lovers but for some unknown reason, lousy dancers.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Aries Funny Horoscope
Aries
21 March - 19 April
Ariens are probably due for a bit of a come-back. During the 90s and the early part of the 00s, Aries was often the sign that everyone else blamed for their collective misfortunes. In particular, Saggitarians were encouraged to single out Ariens as the single reason they were an utter failure.
However, the revival is on its way and your being Arien is going to mean that you will command the respect and favours you deserve. In fact, you should probably begin by trying to make people address you as "Master" and signing off any emails with the words "Your Chief and Overlord, etc, etc". Aries is generally a happy-go-lucky type star sign who is not adverse to going off on wild tangents about wildebeast or blue flowers, nor from attempting heartfelt soliloquys whilst in a crowded lift. Aries is often creative and does like to meddle in other people's affairs - ranging from the re-organisation of the potted plants in a neighbours garden during the wee hours of the night, to the taking out of an advert in the local paper regarding your work colleagues (fictitious) home-brothel.
Although the majority of those born under Aries are good people, like any star-sign or McDonald's meal, there are also bad nuggets. If you yourself are a murderous psychopath you will know this to be true because, whilst you might not have been born an Arien, the voices in your head were.
It is said that the best way to make an Arien laugh is by jamming ones own hand into a jam jar and then appearing to struggle furiously in order to remove it. Others say that this is because Aries is the "silly sign" of the zodiac.
21 March - 19 April
Ariens are probably due for a bit of a come-back. During the 90s and the early part of the 00s, Aries was often the sign that everyone else blamed for their collective misfortunes. In particular, Saggitarians were encouraged to single out Ariens as the single reason they were an utter failure.
However, the revival is on its way and your being Arien is going to mean that you will command the respect and favours you deserve. In fact, you should probably begin by trying to make people address you as "Master" and signing off any emails with the words "Your Chief and Overlord, etc, etc". Aries is generally a happy-go-lucky type star sign who is not adverse to going off on wild tangents about wildebeast or blue flowers, nor from attempting heartfelt soliloquys whilst in a crowded lift. Aries is often creative and does like to meddle in other people's affairs - ranging from the re-organisation of the potted plants in a neighbours garden during the wee hours of the night, to the taking out of an advert in the local paper regarding your work colleagues (fictitious) home-brothel.
Although the majority of those born under Aries are good people, like any star-sign or McDonald's meal, there are also bad nuggets. If you yourself are a murderous psychopath you will know this to be true because, whilst you might not have been born an Arien, the voices in your head were.
It is said that the best way to make an Arien laugh is by jamming ones own hand into a jam jar and then appearing to struggle furiously in order to remove it. Others say that this is because Aries is the "silly sign" of the zodiac.
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